Thursday, October 8, 2009

I have a present

Back when I was still an undergrad at UC Davis I was in a class with an artist who typically made pretty good work with the exception of one particular crit where she was stuck. We'll call her Jane for the purpose of anonymity. Jane painted a large pink painting that wasn't really going anywhere. She worked on it and worked on it with no luck until giving up on the painting itself. Instead of resolving the composition Jane, cut a hole in the dead center of the work and shoved a giant black dildo in it.

When the work was critiqued in class, Lucy, our professor said something along the lines of, "you know, it's a common misconception in art that when a piece is failing, you can just shove a dildo in it and make it work. I don't want to say that will never work, but I've never seen it."

To this I thought what?!?!?! Sticking dildos in bad work is the Hail Mary Pass of art school? Folks do this a fair amount? Well yea. The last time I witnessed the old dildo move was at Sac State's Art Ball. And of course there was the Room of A 1000 Dildos in Reno.

This past summer Lisa and I explained the dildo move to Biggert and by the end of install "stick a dildo in it" became a reliable inside joke. Which brings me to yesterday.

I phoned Biggert to see when he's stopping by the gallery and he says "I have a present for you." Really? "Oh yea, I'll see you in 45min." Hmmmm

When Biggert arrived he came bearing a valise containing about 6 or so dildos and three half full bottles of lube. There would have been 8 but Biggert kept the two smallest ones.  

Now that I possess this box of magic the world is my oyster! I am now destined to make the best art in the world! Or at the very least possess a big old box of dildos.


skpr said...

That inside joke is out now.

Jackson Griffith said...

Thanks for a nice morning laugh, and the newfound knowledge that inserting a dildo most likely will not solve most compositional problems.

Tokyo. said...

can I put a dildo on my poems?

Liv Moe said...

Long answer, yes. Short answer... also yes.

Ann Tracy said...

too funny Liv.... hmmm... performance art with dildos?

beckler said...


usually I leave the all caps to my mom, but I thought they were warranted in this case